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Saturday, April 12, 2003
It's been too long. Let me tell you how it's been, and this is just the last few days. I woke up this morning, got up to take a piss, and heard water gushing from under the house. I have polybutylene plumbing, and no, I cant get in on the legal actions to get it replaced, for those of you who know what polybutylene is. By 8am, I was flat on my back in a cold, cold mud puddle, with a pipe dripping into my face. Sounds vaguely homoerotic, doesn't it. Yesterday, my mother-in-law found out from the oncologist that she will have to have a section of her lung removed. She has lung cancer. The only good part is that this has been found fairly early, probably still in first stage, and her chances are very good. The down side of all that, besides the fact that my mother-in-law could die, is that my wife suffers from depression. She's on medication. Since the cancer thing has reared its ugly head, she has had a very tough time, wanting to slide back into that dark place she can go to when things send her there, where she sits and keeps company with herself. Where she and herself talk, about all the bad things. About how things will turn out, which is hopeless, because everyone dies in the end. How we must suffer because we cared about something and that is just the wrong way. I see her headed for that place sometimes, and it is so frustrating for me. I can't tell her not to do it. I can't talk her out of it. I can't force her out of it. I can't love her out of it. All I can do is see her headed there, and distract her sometimes, but I never win totally, and I never will. Don't get me wrong, it's not always like that. However, events like your mother having cancer are quite emotional. Life altering. I expect her to have a tough time. But in the last two or three days, I have seen that she is capable of much, because she is spending a lot of effort on her mother, trying to push her mom's attitude in the right direction. When she is involved in that, she can't be as depressed, not and be effective with her mother. So I see a lot of things going right. This whole rant started because my back hurts, from crawling under the house. I'm tired. I'm going to eat something and go to bed.
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