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Monday, January 03, 2005
Great Godamighty. I cannot believe how long it's been. What I really can't believe is how long it has taken me to put my fingers into the proper position. I spend a lot (a lot) of time at the computer. For months now, none of it has been productive. I don't sit down with the intent of putting down thoughts. I know it's something optional in my life in the first place. I mean, I don't earn my living this way, nor do I use it as my primary means to communicate with my friends and loved ones. I just do this because I can. Lately though, the laziness has taken hold of me. I get preoccupied. I just read the news, and then stare at the pictures. So now, my wife has gotten me a great Christmas present, again. She has outgifted me two straight years now, so I have to get on the ball. She has signed me up for a creative writing class, through the local university, online. I think it may be the cure for me. After all, it establishes a deadline, and I need the push, evidently. So to catch up, here are the things that have happened in the last little while. This is going to be stream of conciousness writing, because I don't think I could keep it in neat little paragraphs. There's too much, I don't have all that much time, and it's annoying. Linda had her toe joint replaced. Yes, toe joint. Just like a knee replacement, but lower. She has done fine. She had a large amount of pain for the first couple of days, and was really rotten to be around for a couple more, but has largely gotten over it. She is in a surgical shoe, walking around, and started driving again today. She started back to work today, and I took her there. Abby was beaming to see her, and was glad to see me, too. Even Donna was pleasant today, something I don't normally associate with Donna, even though Linda says she really is. Today she was, anyway. The Pontiac had repairs done to the power steering while Linda was down, and it didn't cost anything, since we had it under warranty. My neck and shoulder are killing me. Speaking of killing me, I had an MRI done on my lower back. The report from the nurse was that I have "bulging and degenerated discs" in my back. This is not the first time that my name and degenerate have been uttered in the same sentence, but that was usually after sex. I don't know what is next to happen with the back. I don't know what is next in the death race that has become my body, for that matter. The doctor said that I would be referred to a pain specialist, again bringing up a sex one-liner from the past, but let's move on. I have done a lot of soul searching lately, since Linda got me the class, because the title is Writeriffic, which I hate, but the class is on creativity, which absolutely intrigues me. I have had the worst time at work I have ever had in my life. I have been dragged onto the carpet for things that I did not even suspect I would be held accountable for. Some of the things were legit. Some were out of the blue. Either way, I have nearly been fired, and am convinced that something will happen soon, and it won't be something that I want to happen. Hence the neck and shoulder, carrying all that tension. But I am the type that gets a beating and then wonders what I did wrong, what did I do to cause this to be happening, or at least to make it worse. And I have found that for the longest time now, I have been down, and unhappy, and wrongly motivated, and negative. I have been depressed, I guess, since I wrote all that down and it looks like the symptoms of depression. I think I'll get some help with that. But back to the class. I realized that creativity is something there inside me, and I have been stopping anything from coming out. I don't think that the next great American novel is in there or anything, but I know that a happier life is in there. I have not been surrounding myself with happy, creative people. Ever. I have been wrong to do that. I have been wrong to mock people who promote good things in the actions of others. I missed out on so much by being that way. So help has to be on the way. And I will find the creative ones, and hang on to them like my life depends on it, which it may. I don't want to be unhappy. I want to stop worrying so much. I want to stop caring what other people think. I am having an epiphone here, aren't I. I didn't intend to, it just happened. So many other things have happened lately that should make me happy, that were funny or positive or had a good outcome, like Linda's foot surgery. She does things like complain about it more in front of her family, which makes me mad, but they were there a lot longer than I was, so I should expect her to behave differently in front of them. I should focus on the fact that her foot is doing very well, a good outcome. And I would love to tell the story of Linda clipping the dog's hair, which is funny, but loooong. Summary: She bought an animal clipper set, watched the DVD that came with it, and went at it. I had to talk her out of doing it on the kitchen island. Actually, I had to forbid her to do it on the kitchen island. I came inside from working in the yard, and there she was doing her best imitation of shearing a pint-sized sheep. I had to finish. There is much more to this, so look for it in one of my assignments in creative writing. My point here is that I should have written it then. And I should have taken a picture of the dog. I have to stop now, my neck is killing me. I'm going to take a muscle relaxer and go to bed. I can guarantee more later.
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