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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I have come to the realization that I need an audience. I am not speaking metaphorically here, as in "we all need an audience in life" or some jumbo like that. I mean that I need an audience in life when I do things. (OK, now maybe that metaphoric thing should come in here.) More importantly, I came to the realization that I won't work without an audience. For those scoring at home, "work" means "write", or some form of it. This is basic stuff in writing. They teach it all the time, in every course I ever had. Even back in high school, when I took Composition, there was a target audience. I remember that my first major essay, which was on Tibet, got a lower mark than it deserved, dammit, because the teacher said that it was too prosy, and that an essay should be more factual. I was too interpretive. Think that made an impression on me, that I remember it 30 years later? Think I may have some kind of control issues, since I remember it 30 years later? I'm sure it's one or the other. The point is that even then, instructors were telling me to work to the audience. In college, I got the same feedback from an instructor on a paper about sewage system operations. So here, years later, I decide that I want to write. I take a course. Or two. The instructors remind me to write to the audience. Several of my classmates, both live and online, remind me of the same thing. Although their remarks then weren't specifically to me, the message was generalized for everyone. Remember your audience, we told each other. So then I spend six months (almost) sitting and staring at the page and wondering what the hell happened. I sat down tonight to do it again. I stared at the keyboard. I flipped through a bunch of websites. I finally checked my emails, and found one from someone who had a question. I started to reply, and cancelled it. I could not even get out a reply. I began to look at my blogs, and started to type. Some words began to flow. And out of the blue, the realization that I have been working alone in the universe crept in. I have assumed that I had to write something that would please ME. That's great, but I already read it, technically speaking. I forgot to work to the audience, and to remember that there is one. I think this may be a turning point for me. I want to work. I want to work hard at this. I can't imagine another thing that could be more fun. Man, I do ramble sometimes. But the point has been made. I only have to live it.
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