On my list of things to do today was make a blog entry. Ok, here. Good night.

Actually, I'll probably be more wordy here. I'm still up pretty wound up, at 10:30 at night. Man, do you hear how that sounds? I can remember when I didn't even leave the house at night to go out until 10:30. That was in the bad old days, though. When I drank a LOT and did drugs and was cruel to my wife. She had her share of problems, but she didn't deserve that version of me. Anyway, those days are gone. That guy is gone. Now instead of struggling with alcohol, I struggle with peanut butter. And pimento cheese.

Lately, though, I wonder if I didn't drive away too much of the evil me. No, not the drinking and drugs part, or especially the bad husband thing. I wonder if I lost something in the transition, some killer instinct or something. I became much more patient, but I wonder if it was too patient. I stopped yelling and hitting walls when I was frustrated, but I wonder if I've become too docile. Maybe that's why stress is killing me from the inside. I don't ever want to bring back the old me. I enjoy waking up coherent. I enjoy knowing that I have a retirement fund that, according to Money magazine, puts me way ahead of the typical baby boomer.

Then again, there's days like today. It was not perfect, although I did get to take a nap around noon, so that puts it way up on the near-perfect chart. I just sat around this morning, and got some things done this afternoon, real work and chores that I had been avoiding, or really just didn't have enough time for before today. And I fixed the damn headlight on the Pontiac! I'm not an auto mechanic, but I know one end of a wrench from another, and believe me when I say this: If you own a Pontiac Grand AM, and the headlight goes out, trade it. Five minute job on a Ford, two hours over two weeks on a Pontiac for me, looking for the broken part, and figuring out how to get to the headlight. If you don't believe me, go online and google it, and just look at the forums. Sheesh. See, now I've gotten sidetracked. Anyway, it was basically a good day, stress free. I didn't dwell on how screwed I am at work. I did, however, begin working on my exit. My only hope is that I get everything done I want to do and leave before they fire me.

Man, what a rambling rant. Good night.