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Friday, May 25, 2007
I don't know where to start anymore. Since it's after midnight and I just got in from working a shift, I evidently don't know when to start anymore, either. I thought of all these clever things was going to write about as the day went on. I sat down here, and they all run away and hide. I'm addicted to Goody's Powders. I am their main ambassador in Georgia. If I were in Kentucky, I'd be their main ambassador in Kentucky. I not only make sure that I'm carrying one most all of the time, but I preach the gospel of Goody's to anyone that makes the mistake of telling me that they have an ache or pain. I'll be standing around idly minding my own business and someone will say "Man, I have a headache." I immediately launch in on the goodness of Goody's. I'll tell them about how they work fast, except I'll say "fayst" and drag it out like Richard Petty does on the commercials. And I'll have to take less of them now that he has Tony Stewart as a sidekick, but that's another story that will only appeal to Nascar fans. I'll give a testimonial about how the fixed my last headache in about three minutes. Then I'll whip out my pack of Goody's that I have in my back pocket and offer them one, as long as I remembered to buy the six-pack and haven't taken all of them yet. This is why I referred in the beginning to someone "making the mistake" of telling me they have a headache. I joined a fantasy race league. I suck. I am 19th out of 22. See? Suck. I keep missing or forgetting the deadlines to do things like pick new drivers for the new week. In fantasy sports, this is crucial. It's more than that, it's how you play the game, like rolling the dice and moving the piece is how you play Monopoly. If this were Monopoly, I'd be randomly moving the top hat, or rolling when it's my turn and not moving at all and then being mildly miffed at myself for forgetting that crucial step in my play. Tonight I came home with the intent of remembering to change my team for this week, which you have to do before qualifying. Qualifying is usually on Friday. Not this week. It was today. I'm stuck with the same bunch of losers that didn't get me any points last week. I'm staying in Jail. I'm never passing Go again. (Qualify for what, you non-Nascar fans are wondering, which means to you that you just don't follow the terminology, but means to us fans that you are dumb as a post.)
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